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REDNECK JOKES

OK, I know in polite society that one isn't supposed to tell jokes that may potentially disparage a particular group of people or reinforce unfounded stereotypes, but since it is generally okay for a person to poke fun at themselves, I'll invoke that exception to the polite society rule (since I am certainly part redneck), and I'll share with you a few of my favorite redneck jokes. If any of you rednecks out there think you'll be offended, why don't you stop reading and hop on over to my blonde jokes page...

* * * * *

1. The Magical CatFish ~ Cletus and Billy Bob are out in their row boat fishing on a lake for catfish one day... They've been fishing since dawn and haven't gotten so much as a bite in four hours. Then Cletus feels a sharp tug on his line, and for the next ten minutes proceeds to pull in a huge fish. When Cletus finally pulls the fish out of the water, he sees it is the ugliest catfish he has ever seen. Much to his and Billy Bob's shock, the catfish speaks. "I am a magical catfish," the fish says, "and if you will let me go, I will grant you one wish." Cletus eagerly frees the magical catfish from the hook and releases him back into the water, and says, "I wish the whole lake would turn into Budweiser!" There is a load clap of thunder as the fish disappears under the water and then miraculously, all the entire lake turns into beer! Billy Bob grabs an oar and smacks Cletus on the head. "What'd you do that for?" yells Cletus at Billy Bob, "I just turned the lake into beer!" "Yes, you idiot," replies Billy Bob, "but now we'll have to pee in the boat!"
 ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

2. You might be a redneck... If you played the banjo or harmonica in your middle school band.
 ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

3. You might be a redneck... If you go to the local dump, and you leave the dump with more than you took there to throw out.
 ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

4. You might be a redneck... If you think fast food is running over a possum at 75 miles per hour.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

5. You might be a redneck... If you've ever told your wife to scoot over in bed so there's more room for your dog.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

6. You might be a redneck... If your dad walks with you to school because you are in the same grade with him.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

7. You might be a redneck... If your pick up truck's color is primer gray with pinkish red Bondo highlights.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

8. You might be a redneck... If you keep both your hunting dog and your wallet on a chain.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

9. You might be a redneck... If you think going to the bath room involves going out back.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

10. You might be a redneck... If you think the reason to go to a family reunion is to meet women.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender
 

11. The young lady asked her redneck lover, "Darling, when we get engaged are you going to give me a ring?" "Sure," he replied. "Tell me your phone number again?"
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

12. You might be a redneck... If your wife has ever asked you, "Honey, can you please move this f*ing transmission somewhere so I can take a bath?"
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

13. You might be a redneck... If you refer to the fifth grade as your senior year."
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

14. You might be a redneck... If your wedding reception was held at the local International House of Pancakes."
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

15. You might be a redneck... If the blue book for your pick up truck would depend on how much gas you have in it."
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

16. You might be a redneck... If the Home Shopping TV Channel operator recognizes your voice and greets you by name.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

17. You might be a redneck... If your gene pool does not have a deep end.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

18. You might be a redneck... If your idea of a fancy date is going "super size" when you order at McDonalds.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

19. You might be a redneck... If your living room coach came from a Ford.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

20. You might be a redneck... If you mow the grass in your front yard and you find a vehicle.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender
 

21. You might be a redneck... If your yard looks cleaner AFTER it gets hit by a tornado.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

22. You might be a redneck... If you think the last words to the national anthem, the Star Spangled Banner, are "Drivers, start your engines."
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

23. You might be a redneck... If you live in a $15,000 mobile home and own a $50,000 bass boat.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

24. You might be a redneck... If you listen to the police scanner to find out what your relatives are doing.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

25. You might be a redneck... If there are more dishes in your kitchen sink than in your kitchen cabinets.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

26. You might be a redneck... If less than half of your cars run.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

27. You might be a redneck... If goal in life is to some day own a fireworks stand.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

28. You might be a redneck... If you got fired from your construction job because of your appearance .
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

29. You might be a redneck... If your wife's dress shoes have steel toes.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

30. You might be a redneck... If you can't marry your sweetheart because it would be against the law.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

31. You might be a redneck... If you've been married three times and you still have the same
in-laws.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

32. You might be a redneck... If you have a wind chime in your yard made out of empty beer cans.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

33. You might be a redneck... If you can change in oil in your pickup truck standing up.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

34. You might be a redneck... If strangers regularly knock on your front door to ask if you are having a garage sale.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

35. You might be a redneck... If your two year old son has more teeth than you.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

36. You might be a redneck... If your mother has a spittoon (even if it is crystal).
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

37. You might be a redneck... If your masseuse uses hog lard.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

38. You might be a redneck... If you've ever tried to rob someone by using a caulk gun.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

39. You might be a redneck... If your three-year-old is a proud member of the NRA.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

40. You might be a redneck... If people can hear your car coming long before they can see it.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

41. You might be a redneck... If the size of your belt buckle exceeds the size of the bottom of your shoe.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

42. You might be a redneck... If you have more than three cousins named Rufus.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

43. You might be a redneck... If you've ever waited in line to have your picture taken with a freak of nature.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

44. You might be a redneck... If your Christmas stocking gets filled with ammo.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

45. You might be a redneck... If you keep a can of Raid bug spray on your kitchen table.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

46. You might be a redneck... If you have a disassembled motorcycle engine anywhere in your house.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

47. You might be a redneck... If rather than washing your bed sheets, you just vacuum your bed.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

48. You might be a redneck... If any of your children are named after your hunting dog.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

49. You might be a redneck... If any of your children are named after the brand of pickup truck you drive.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

50. You might be a redneck... If any of your children are named after the brand of beer you drink.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

51. You might be a redneck... If any of your children are named after the brand of tobacco you chew.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

52. You might be a redneck... If any of your relatives ever died after saying, "Hey, guys! Watch this!".
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

53. You might be a redneck... You wake up with both a hickey and a black eye.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

54. You might be a redneck... Your mom tells you how to sneak moonshine into church.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

55. You might be a redneck... If your dog rides up front in your pickup truck with you... and your wife sits in the back.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

56. You might be a redneck... If you use your fishing license when an officer asks you for I.D.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

57. You might be a redneck... If you have a color-coordinating piece of rope to keep your pickup truck hood closed.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

58. You might be a redneck... If any of your children are named after the a character on the Dukes of Hazard.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

59. You might be a redneck... If your cousin whom you brag has a fancy job in the entertainment business... is a rodeo clown.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

60. You might be a redneck... If you ever tried to drown a fish..
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

61. You might be a redneck... If you think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

62. You might be a redneck... If your mom called you to ask you to help change a flat tire... on her house.
  ~ submitted by Steve, your Thursty Toad bartender

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