|
 What would a bar, a virtual bar, or a virtual bar website be... without
some classic bar jokes? Here's a small
collection of some the best short bar jokes and long bar jokes we've heard
here at the Thursty Toad. Order yourself an ice cold beer, kick back, and
get ready to laugh so hard you (almost) pee your pants.
* * SHORT BAR JOKES * *
(a.k.a. a guy walks into a bar jokes)
1. A big burly guy walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt
tucked under one of his arms...
"What'll you have?", asks the bartender.
"Give me a beer," says the big burly guy, "Plus one for the road."
2. A skeleton walks into a bar...
"What'll you have?" asks the bartender.
"Give me a beer," says the skeleton, "And a mop."
3. A guy with dyslexia walks into a bra.
* * LONG BAR JOKES * *
 A guy walks into a bar.
"What'll you have?", asks the bartender.
The guy asks, "Can I get a free drink if I can show you a really cool trick
that blows you away?"
The bartender thinks about it, shrugs, and say, "Why not? Let's see if you
can impress me."
The guy reaches into his right coat pocket and pulls out a rat dressed in a
miniature tuxedo. The guy then reaches into his left coat pocket and pulls
out a miniature baby grand piano and places it next to the rat. The rat
proceeds to sit down at the piano and begins to play the blues.
"Wow," says the bartender as he gives the guy his free drink.
When the guy has finished his free drink, he asks the bartender if he can
have free drinks for the rest of the night if he shows the bartender an even
cooler trick.
"Sure," replies the bartender, eager to see what could be even cooler than a
rat playing a piano.
The guy opens his coat and pulls a small green toad wearing a black top hat
from an inside pocket.
The guy places the toad next to the rat, and signals the rat to commence
playing. The rat starts to play the blues again and the small green toad
starts to sing the blues!
When the rat and toad duo are done with the song, the amazed bartender
proceeds to start pouring the guy all the free drinks he wants.
As the guy is enjoying his free drinks, a stranger walks up to him and
offers the guy $100 for his singing green toad.
"The green toad is not for sale," replies the guy.
"How about $200 for the green toad?" asks the stranger.
"The green toad is not for sale," repeats the guy.
"How about $500 for the green toad?" asks the stranger.
The guy thinks for a while while the bartender watches, and then say, "Make
is $1,000 cash and you can buy the toad."
The stranger counts out a thousand dollars in cash and pays the guy for the
green toad, then smiles and takes his toad and leaves.
"Are you crazy?" asks the puzzled bartender. "Why did you sell that singing
green toad for a thousand dollars. That toad could have made you a fortune!"
"I'm not so crazy," replied the guy. "The rat is a ventriloquist."
and of course...
* * An 'A TOAD WALKS INTO A BAR...' Joke * *
A toad walks into a bar...
"What'll you have?" asks the bartender.
"How about a bag of flies?" asks the toad.
"We don't have bags of flies here," replies the bartender.
"OK," says the toad, and leaves.
The next day the toad returns to the bar.
"What'll you have?" asks the bartender.
"How about a bag of flies?" asks the toad.
"Like I told you yesterday, we don't have bags of flies here,"
replies the bartender.
"OK," says the toad, and leaves.
The next day the toad returns again to the bar.
"What'll you have?" asks the bartender.
"How about a bag of flies?" asks the toad.
"Look buddy, I already told you we don't have bags of flies here,"
says the now angry bartender, "and if you ever ask me again, I'm going
to nail you to the wall behind this bar!"
"OK," says the toad, and leaves.
The next day the toad return yet again to the bar.
"What'll you have?" asks the bartender.
"Do you have any nails?" asks the toad.
"No, we don't have any nails," replies the the bartender.
"OK," says the toad, "then how about a bag of flies?"
finished projects |
unfinished projects |
